


I feel this emptiness in my chest

by purplexhemmings



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Smut, calum cant keep it in his pants, handjobs kinda, i hope you like it?, idk i was watching ahs and it kinda stemmed from that, luke and ashton are kind of shit friends, michael just gets really angry, michael loves calum too much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-11
Updated: 2014-10-11
Packaged: 2018-02-20 19:15:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2439806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplexhemmings/pseuds/purplexhemmings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael's so fed up of Calum constantly fucking him around (literally).</p>
            </blockquote>





	I feel this emptiness in my chest

**Author's Note:**

> Hi :) please leave kudos if you enjoyed and comment what you think of this bc i think its pretty bad :) I haven't proof read it so if theres any mistakes then let me know!

"Cal... What are we?" Michael asked one night. They're both 16, final year of high school and still spending most nights having sleepovers. His hair was sticking to his forehead and the whole room smelt badly of sweat and sex. Both boys were panting, naked in the double bed they were sharing at Calum's house. This wasn't the first time they'd slept together and Michael's sure it definitely won't be the last. He looked over at the dark haired boy waiting for some kind of answer.

Calum shrugged, not really knowing what they were himself. "Fuck buddies?" He suggested and okay, Michael's heart certainly did  _not_ just drop out of his asshole or anything along those lines. But it did break into millions of pieces, like this is the problem Michael's having taking in the whole situation. He and Calum are best friends, so he supposes that being fuck buddies was the non-exclusive way to say boyfriend? Or maybe it's Calum's way of saying 'I can't get laid and your my last resort.' And by this point Michael has actual tears in his eyes because he actually thinks Calum only wants him for sex now.

Luckily enough for him, Calum doesn't notice how tense Michael's become, or the fact that hot trails of tears have cascaded down his cheeks, or how he's moved further away and cuddled into himself. Michael even considered gathering his stuff and going home, not ever wanting to see Calum again, but he has to remind himself that it's fine to only be fuck buddies, Michael likes girls anyway. Calum's just an exception.

So why does his heart start racing every single time he's with Calum, or he vigorously blushes everytime he receives a compliment from said boy? He doesn't know.

\----

It's 2 years on and Michael, more times than not, finds himself in Calum's bed. Whether they're just cuddling or getting each other off, he just can't bring himself to stay away. Calum doesn't complain though, he thoroughly enjoys Michael's company no matter what they seem to be doing. He especially likes cuddling with Michael, wrapping his arms around the slightly older boy and feeling Michael's hair tickling his cheek. It makes his heart flutter, which wasn't a good thing, but if he could ignore it long enough then it would eventually go away.

Michael never questioned their relationship verbally to Calum after that night 2 years prior, but it was clear in his actions that he was uncertain of the boundaries sometimes. When they're alone and watching movies, Michael has this urge to snuggle up with Calum and place gentle, loving kisses on the boys plump lips. He never does though, secluding himself to the other end of the sofa and scold himself for not setting out guidelines for what he can and can't do.

He's all too aware of the fact that Calum brings people back from clubs a lot too, which should definitely bother him. But it just doesn't because Calum promised him that he would never engage in any intimacy with other people infront of Michael. Also mainly because he know's that he get's it more times than they do. They don't know what Calum's really like in bed, how he's rough and he likes having his hair pulled and his neck bitten. No one else know's that besides Michael and of course he uses it to his full advantage.

\----

It's been a particularly difficult week, what with the band finishing up WWA and heading off out most nights and needing to leave for Mexico very soon. Michael's very rushed off his feet and just need's a night in to cuddle with Calum. The other boy has different plans and proposes another night out at a new club he found, Luke and Ashton agreeing to tag along and waiting for Michael to answer. "Yeah, whatever." Michael mumbles, really not wanting to go at all.

They'd only been at the couple for no more than an hour and a half but Calum is already _plastered_. He's ditched the boys and wiggled his way onto the dance floor, leaving Michael alone with Ashton, Luke and their awkward accomplice, sexual tension. Michael's beyond fed up now. He just want's to go back to the hotel and mope for the rest of the night. He's managed to convince himself that if he left the others at the club they wouldn't even notice that he was gone.

He's literally just about to ditch his drink and leave the club when someone sits directly in his way. Who's idea was it to get a booth again? Ashton fucking Irwin. Michael groans, rolling his eyes and mentally preparing what he's about to say to the face suckers sat in front of him. "Yuck Calum that's gross, stop eating her face." Luke shrieks, grimacing in the process.

Michael's heart drops and he feel's like he's going to be sick. Calum had  _promised_ Michael that he would never do anything with another person infront of him and what was he doing? Shoving his tongue halfway down some girls throat, with his fingers inching up her short dress. Michael gags and shoves the pair off the seat, not even apologising and heading straight for the bar. Instead of leaving like a coward, he need's a drink. Or 10.

It's only a little while later and Michael's had far too much to drink, which is exactly what he wanted wasn't it? He can't remember why he went up to the bar and how he ended up in such a state, but he doesn't care. So long as he can't form any coherent thoughts or sentences was good enough for him. He doesn't even register Luke and Ashton carrying him out of the club and into a cab, mumbling amongst each other incase Michael suddenly decides to tune into the real world.

Michael's completely unaware of the fact that Calum didn't get in the cab with them, doesn't take note of the fact that they're back at the hotel and doesn't register Ashton tucking him in on the sofa. "No blowjob for you tonight then." He does hear Ashton mumble which sends Michael into hysterics for a solid 10 minutes.

\----

When he comes around properly the next morning he seriously can't remember a single thing from the previous night. He doesn't know why he's in Ashton and Luke's room or why he's still in his clothes, he's just fully aware of the fact that his stomach is churning violently and he needs to puke. Aside from the pounding in his head, he reckons he can make it back to his own room to rid his body of last nights mishaps, get changed and crawl into his own hotel bed, maybe coaxing Calum to cuddle with him for a while.

He stops for a minute, only just remembering that Calum was no where to be seen last night. In the midst of everything that is extremely fogged over, he can only think about Calum, which is typical. Michael rolls his eyes and gets up way too quick for his bodies liking, dragging himself out of the hotel room quietly and racking his brain for where the fuck his own room was. First night in the place and he didn't even stay in his room, nor stay sober long enough to remember. Also typical.

When he does actually manage to remember he fishes his wallet out of his trousers, wondering how no one stole it the night before, removing the key card and opening the door. He's met by darkness, noises he wishes he'd never heard and the smell that always seems to linger when he and Calum relish in each other. Its not even 9 in the morning and Calum's already awake with some  _girl,_ fucking her in their hotel room. Like what the hell? What if he actually ended up in their room last night instead of with the other two.  


No more than a few seconds pass and he's slamming the door, his face paling rapidly and the sick feeling in his stomach increasing to the point where he's physically gagging. In the back of Michael's mind he was _sure_ Calum always joked about actually bringing people back, only saying it to annoy Michael. The little voice in the back of his head would remind him of this everytime the subject was mentioned.  _He's trying to make you jealous._ That doesn't seem to be the case, nor was it ever.

Michael's walking down the hallway in his dirty clothes from last night, desperately trying to get to the elevator and far away from the hotel, a million miles away from Calum and anywhere that everyone else isn't. He just wants the ground to swallow him whole. "Mikey?" He hears a voice ask behind him. The one voice he really didn't want to be hearing at this precise moment in time. He freezes, tears slightly building up in his eyes and his whole body tensing.  _Don't get so butt hurt Michael, you knew this was happening from the very beginning. You were fully aware that he was fucking other people besides you and YOU chose to ignore it. Coming up with your own fantasies._

As he turns to face the dark haired boy, the girl he'd heard from moments ago whisks past him and towards the elevator that he was hoping to occupy. "W-Where were you going?" Calum yawns, rubbing his eyes. "Away." Michael mumbles, narrowing his eyes at the boy in front of him. He'd managed to stop himself from crying, knowing that one day he'll get his own back and create some sick twisted game that he definitely wants no part of.

"Away where?" Calum asks, stepping out of the doorway fully, clad in only a pair of boxers. His hair is such a perfect mess, the way Michael likes to leave it when they're coming down from their highs, it doesn't look quite perfect though. Doesn't have Michael's preferred styling of it (which doesn't actually consist of any styling at all, mainly just consistently running his fingers through it until he falls asleep). The red haired boy barely even hears what Calum said and shakes himself of the daydream he'd lost himself in. "Just away."

Calum doesn't appreciate this answer, much less the fact that Michael was leaving for god knows how long. He takes note of the fact that Michael doesn't have his suitcase or anything with him, so he'd be gone for no more than a few hours at the very most. "Come cuddle?" He offers, hoping Michael might just accept and forget about going elsewhere. Instead, the older boy shakes his head and prepares to leave.

He's not all too aware of his feet taking him over to Michael until his hand grabs Michael's wrist and tugs slightly. "Please?" He questions, praying that he'll give in. Michael finds himself complying, kicking himself at how easily Calum encouraged him to go to bed with him, even if its only for a cuddle. Calum's laced their fingers together by now and his touch is so soft, quite feminine but very Calum-like at the same time. 

\----

Michael's relieved when Calum doesn't try anything on with him, after all he is still pissed at him. Calum doesn't know that and in all fairness he doesn't really need to know of Michael's jealous tendencies. So they spend a good few hours cuddling, scrolling through their phones, calling room service and watching a few movies, the whole time they still have their fingers interlocked with one another's. Michael not wanting to pull his hand away first and Calum thinking the same, but it was nice nonetheless. 

He bitterly reminds himself that  _he_ gets this kind of attention off Calum, not the other people he brings back. They probably don't hold hands with Calum while they're doing nothing. They probably don't receive delicate kisses to the top of their heads from Calum. They probably don't even get a cuddle. That seems enough to lift Michael's mood, even if it is only for the morning.  


His sickness has mostly subsided, a nice warm plate of food seemed to be just what he needed alongside some headache tablets, he's sorted. His eyelids are heavy and Calum's warm, they're snuggled underneath the duvet and everything is perfect. Michael could stay like this forever, he want's to stay like this forever.

\----

It's later on that Calum tries it on with Michael. They'd spent all day cuddling and being cutesy, it was suggested that they went to the club again and Michael agreed, seeing as he was in a much better mood. He's dancing, on his own to begin with, then a body joins him. He's not thinking straight and allows the other person to hold onto his hips swaying along behind him. "God Mikey you look so good." The same voice that follows him whispers in his ear, Calum nibbling on his ear lobe and leaving wet, open mouthed kisses down his pale neck. Michael groans, pushing himself back into Calum and stretching his neck for Calum to continue his work. 

Ashton and Luke watch from the sidelines, not really knowing what to do about the pair infront of them. They should really pull them apart so Michael's not so disappointed when Calum brings back someone else another time, but they should also keep them together so Calum can realise just how much he loves Michael, no matter how many times he denies it.

But Michael's in a world of his own, relishing the feel of Calum's teeth, tongue and lips on his neck, leaving marks that will definitely still be there in a few days. He doesn't mind though, it just shows that he's Calums even without the confirmation from Calum himself. They're not exclusive (obviously) but Michael likes to tell himself that whenever Calum leave's these marks on his neck its to mark his property, warn off anyone who goes near Michael. 

"Come on lets leave." He can just about make out Calum's slurred voice and he nods, allowing Calum to grab his hand and pull him out of the club with a shit eating grin on his face. Calum would never admit it, but he definitely gets more excited when he shares moments like this with Michael rather than other people, there's something so warm and special about Michael that he just can't pinpoint.

He doesn't have much time to think about what makes Michael's so different, he's got his lips attached to Michael's own, working against each other so perfectly it makes the butterflies in both their stomachs go bezerk. They're in the back seat of the cab and Michael just about manages to tell the driver the hotel name before Calum continues his affectionate assault on Michael's reddening lips. Calum places one hand on Michael's neck, the other gripping the older boys thigh. He's not completely drunk, he's just extremely unsure where to put his hands, like he isn't into voyeurism or anything so making out in the backseat of someone's car is bad enough as it is. Michael catches on, pulling away slightly and resting his head on Calum's shoulder. Much better.

\----

They do eventually end up back at the hotel after Michael told the driver the wrong name twice, but who cares, there's no rush. They have another day off and neither Calum or Michael were hard before they got into the taxi so it's not like they have raging boners that need desperate attention.

When they clumsily get up the stairs and into their room their lips are pressed against one another's again, tasting the alcohol on each others tongues. Their hands are all over each others bodies, not staying in one place too long, only pulling away very briefly for air. Michael's carefully guiding Calum backwards towards the bed, gently pushing him down and straddling him. He grinds down on Calum and at the same time swipes his tongue along the younger boys bottom lip. Calum accepts without any hint of hesitation, wanting all of Michael as soon as he can. 

Their clothes are thrown across the room as the two continue heavily making away, only pulling apart for air and to remove their shirts. Both boys are only in their boxers and Michael's still got his knees either side of Calum's hips, grinding their clothed cocks together and making them both moan into each other's mouths. Calum flips them over, leaning away from Michael to dig out some lube. He clambers back on top of Michael's body, sucking bruises onto Michael's chest and torso, also adding another to his neck.

"Please Cal, stop teasing." Michael groans, shuffling beneath the tan boy. Calum smirks in response pulling Michael's boxers down and shifting the boys legs so his knees are up. "Spread your legs." He demands, waiting impatiently for Michael to comply. He does and Calum slicks up his fingers, pressing one against Michael's hole. He receives a groan from the boy and he pushes his hips back onto Calum's finger.

"Aren't you gunna suck my dick?" Michael jokes, brushing a few strands of hair away from his eyes. "Not tonight, can't wait to feel you around me." Calum mumbles, leaning over and chastely kissing Michael, pushing his finger into Michael and swallowing his groans. He curls and uncurls it, adding another and copying the previous notion, noticing how Michael can completely lose it just from his fingers. "More." Michael begs, rocking himself back onto Calum, mainly just needing the dark haired boy deep inside him, but also wanting a release. Calum slips in a third finger, scissoring them to prep Michael properly. He's a moaning mess, clenching the bed sheets and wanting to run his fingers through Calum's hair.

"I think that's enough." Calum says, removing his fingers and applying a more than generous amount of lube on his dick. He's always careful not to hurt Michael, to him he's like a fragile doll that needs good taking care of. He lines himself up with Michael, looking up through his lashes for any hesitation. He should know by now that Michael has never said no. Obviously it's all consensual, but Calum really does like to make sure, especially after that time he'd gotten a girl up to bed and she chickened out last minute but didn't say anything and that's  _REALLY_ besides the point but that's the reason why Calum has to make sure Michael is 100% sure.

Michael nods, closing his eyes in anticipation. Calum pushes into Michael slowly, leaning over and placing gentle kisses all over Michael's face. He can smell the alcohol on Michael and he's not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, in all fairness he probably reeks of it too so he's not overly bothered. When he reaches Michael's lips, he brings a hand up to rest on the boys flushed cheeks and they share a genuine kiss. One that friends with benefits do not do for that matter. But they're both so lost in the moment and the alcohol is kind of fogging up their brains and all Michael can think is  _CalumCalumCalum_ all Calum can think is  _MichaelMichaelMichael_ and they're a passionate bundle of limbs.  


Calum begins thrusting into Michael gently, still moving his lips against Michael's until he feels the older boy tug on his hair. "Harder Cal come on." Michael pants, pulling away to speak against Calum's lips before moving down his neck, sucking and biting and licking until Calum hits that spot that has him seeing stars. He's moaning out Calum's name, hooking his legs around Calum's waist and dragging his nails down the tan boys back. Calum hisses in pain and sharply snaps his hips towards Michael. They're both nearing their highs and Michael's not sure how long he's going to last, especially when Calum wraps his hand around his dick and tugs on it to match his thrusts. "Fuck, o-oh god Cal, please." Michael moans, squeezing his eyes shut and clenching around Calum.

"Mikey, fuck. You're so tight. Shit." Calum pants, running his fingers through Michael's damp hair and quickening his pace and occasionally twisting his wrist around Michael's cock. "Gunna cum." Michael groans, fucking himself back on Calum and coming so hard he's pretty sure he momentarily blacked out. Calum's still thrusting into him and Michael can tell he's close by the way his head has fallen back and his arms are trembling. He grabs the younger boys shoulders and pulls him down so he can whisper in his ear. "I want you to cum in my ass Cal. You feel so fucking good inside me." He moans, licking the boys earlobe and enjoying the sounds that leave Calum's mouth as he finally hits his high, hiding his head in the crook of Michael's neck and chanting Michael's name like its the only word he knows.

Calum collapses beside Michael, both boys panting and savoring the feeling that they both thoroughly enjoy. Calum leans off the bed and grabs the closest article of clothing and wipes Michael's cum off of his chest, throwing it back onto the floor and pulling the older boy into his chest. Calum can feel himself falling asleep with every minute that passes up until the point when he hears Michael mumble, 'I love you Calum'. Then he's up all night wondering what kind of mess he got himself into.

\----

It's 3 weeks after Michael drunkenly and tiredly confessing to Calum his true feelings, in the morning he even denied them when Calum asked. 'I was drunk.' He said, to which Calum answered 'You weren't that drunk when we were fucking.' at the same time slamming his fist into the wall which kind of scared Michael but he shouldn't be scared, because Calum would never hurt him. 

It's 3 weeks later and Michael's not sure what he's doing with himself anymore, he and Calum haven't shared a room nor spoken to each other since the confrontation the next morning. Michael kind of wants to dig himself a 10 foot deep hole so he can hide in it for the rest of his life. He wants to go back to that night and not say anything at all, even if it does shatter his heart like every other time they fucked and he kept his mouth shut.

He's noticed how Calum's been bringing back more girls than boys and tends to show them off to the boys before leading them away. Michael hates how Calum can just gloat like that, push Michael's feelings away like they're some kind of hideous illness that no one would want. He's frustrated with the fact that Luke and Ashton aren't helping one bit, they're sitting, watching Michael fall to pieces and Calum tear the rest of him apart like it's some weird episode of American Horror Story that he doesn't want to be apart of.

He's cried himself to sleep too many times to count and he's so done with crying over someone who wouldn't do the same. All he wanted was for someone to finally love him back and he thought that would be Calum. But it wasn't and Michael hates the world with such a burning passion that he has no other way to show other than through pure rage. Which brings him to the kitchen of their home in London. They flew over 2 weeks ago to do further promo's, interviews and a couple of photoshoots, but again, that's beside the point.

Michael's got all of the cupboards open, picking up every ceramic object and throwing them at the wall or the floor, which ever confinement he's angriest at the most in his haste to destroy everything. He's screaming and shouting and cursing and throwing things and crying and he's so fucking done. He doesn't know what else to do with himself. He doesn't know why no one's stopped him or why someone hasn't called the police yet because he's going insane. He's trapped in his own mind and he can't get out.

He's reduced himself to just screaming and crying by now, slumping on the floor in the middle of broken plates and bowls, hugging himself and crying into his hands. He's not sure why he's crying anymore, but he's got too many tears that just won't stop falling. In the midst of screaming and sobbing he can hear a door slam shut, presumably the front door and he hears rushed footsteps coming into the kitchen, where he's sitting.

"Michael what the fuck happened?"  _His_ voice says, Michael's one again reduced to tears, screaming when he feels those hands wrap around him. "Mikey stop!" Calum shouts, trying to be louder than the shaking boys sobbing and screaming but Michael's so far gone he's not sure when he's going to stop. "You need to tell me what happened?"

In that precise moment all of the tears stop, his screaming ends abruptly and instead he's laughing, like a maniac and his body is racking with laughter. "You're what happened. YOU DID THIS TO ME." There goes the screaming again. He's up off the floor and backing away from Calum, treading all over the broken ceramics. "Michael stop. Look I know I did wrong but we should talk about it."Calum calmly says, trying to reason with the distraught boy who looks a lot younger than he actually is. He looks 12 again, with his hair more of a mess on his head, his eyes tired and weak and his face distraught. This is the boy Calum never wanted to see again, this is the Michael that Calum struggled to help. "You had three weeks to talk to me. Three fucking weeks and all you done was fuck people and show them off right infront of me like I didn't fucking matter." Michael shrieks, pulling on his hair and pacing, moving out of the kitchen and into the living room.

His thoughts are a mess, his speech is becoming a mess, he's a mess. Calum follows hastily behind him, holding his arms out so as not to scare Michael, even though he's not scared, just extremely frustrated and tired. "I thought I mattered to you." Michael whispers, sniffling and wiping his eyes. "I thought you actually cared about me." He continues. "I do Mikey, god I really do-" "Stop lying to me!" Michael growls, cutting Calum off. "Look I was confused, I've never actually had someone actually love me before Michael you have to understand." Calum pleads, not really knowing what he want's Michael to understand but trying to get his point across.

"So why did you leave me alone for three weeks? Why did you bring those girls back and throw it in my face?" Michael mutters, never making eye contact with Calum. "I- Because I didn't think I was gay." Calum answers. Michael scoffs, throwing his hands in the air. "Dude seriously? You were fucking me and  _other_ guys! That's not even a bit gay, no?"

"I was confused alright, but I understand now. Look around, did I bring anyone back tonight? Did I ignore you when I found you in the kitchen? Am I being a dick now?" Calum has a valid point, but Michael can't keep getting pulled back into the same cycle with this boy. The one that's causing him so much hurt, so much confusion and rejection. "I love you too Michael." Calum mutters, his voice cracking at the end. Michael's eyes shoot straight to Calum's face, seeing no sign of remorse.

Calum's taking hesitant steps towards Michael, hoping that the boy isn't going to run away or cause another scene. He just want's to show Michael that he means the whole world and more to him. When he's close enough, Michael's legs give up on themselves and he falls into Calum, his arms wrapping themselves around the younger boys shoulders and he's sobbing again, occasionally smacking his fist lightly into the boys back. "I hate you. I hate you so much." Michael sobs, giving up on punching him and clutching his shirt in his fist. "I fucking love you."

"I fucking love you too. I promise, I really, really do." Calum whispers, raking his fingers through Michael's hair and knowing that with a little more time, a bit more explanation and some patience, maybe he can really show Michael that he is in love with him and that he isn't breaking another promise.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This was shit I'm so sorry like omg


End file.
